Image courtesy of http://justafuckingteen.tumblr.com/
I find it very difficult most days to to stay positive and fight against my endometriosis and my depression. I don't even care if it makes me look or sound weak... When you have been in the situation I've been in then you will feel defeated. Some days, I'm happy to stay defeated. To let my loneliness, unhappiness and pain eat me up inside and to hide away from the world. But then, as much as I'd like to hide away forever, you simply cannot. Life gets in the way. You have to get on with things and see people and put on a pretence that everything is a-OK. But, having those days of having to see people and do things, makes you remember that you do have a life. Not everything is horrible. There are still people who care about you and things you can do - even if it's just something small.

Sometimes, when I get a moment of clarity and come out of my hole, I can see that it's just all in my head and that things will get better. I have to remind myself of this and keep telling myself that things won't always be like this - everything will get better once I've had my next surgery and I'll be able to get my life back to how it was before. But it's hard being able to find that centre, to be able to keep that positive head on. Sometimes I just cannot fight against it.

There are things that still make me happy though and stop me from sinking. Being around my family and friends, talking to people, being out and about - whether it be a day trip or shopping in town or just going on a little walk, music and books, dressing up and making myself pretty, even if I'm not going anywhere, and, finally, the blog, which helps to keep my brain ticking, keep me busy and a place to vent my frustrations.

But sometimes, the best thing to do is to just stop thinking. Be mindful of yourself. Stop struggling against the tidal wave of information and pressure and go with the flow. Remember to breath and find your inner peace. Find your centre of calm and relax. Focus on yourself and not the world around you. There is nothing else but you and your mind and you need to keep it free of clutter and not let the hardships of life strangle it.

Things happen in life that we cannot change, but things always have a way of working themselves out.

S.