Wednesday, 25 April 2018

Playing the waiting game

Image courtesy of https://bit.ly/2Kde0CV

:: This column was originally posted on Endometriosis News ::


Endometriosis is one big waiting game.

I wouldn’t say I waited throughout my teenage years because I thought the immense pain I felt every cycle and extremely heavy bleeding was all completely normal. But I did wait for it to come each month.

Sex very suddenly became painful, and I waited for that pain to disappear. It didn’t. I waited for a doctors appointment to discuss how I was feeling. I sat through a series of examinations and endless embarrassing questions about my body and my sexual health. When everything came back clear, I waited for a referral to a gynaecologist.

I met with my gynaecologist and I waited for him to perform a diagnostic laparoscopy on me. I waited while he explained endometriosis to me by handing me a leaflet which told me nothing other than cold hard facts.

I waited for my next referral to a specialist consultant at another hospital. I spent years visiting him, watching as he would sit back in his chair, scratch his head and ask me “what do you want me to do”? I tried everything he suggested. I waited for him to fix me, to make me better, to stop the pain. Of course, that never happened. I waited for months and years for treatments to work like he said they would. I waited for this “cure” he always told me about.

I never expected to have any flare up’s with endometriosis. No one had told me that could happen. When it did, I waited for the pain to stop, for someone to help me. I waited to be given something that would stop this happening again. I wasn’t given anything other than an increased amount of painkillers. I had doctors refuse to take out the Mirena coil that I had inside me. I waited until they changed their minds.

Things didn’t get better. I didn’t stop hoping though. I took things in to my own hands, researching everything I could about endometriosis. I met people online who also suffered with the disease. I started speaking up about endometriosis and what it had caused to happen in my life. I helped others where I could. I waited for my specialist to tell me to stop “Googling endometriosis”, which he did a number of times.

I not-so-patiently waited to fall pregnant. My consultant told me to relax and it would just happen. A year down the line and relaxing wasn’t working. I waited for the waves of grief to flow over me month in, month out. I waited for our referral on to the fertility clinic, to find out that I was the problem. Months of counselling, regular blood tests, scans, injection lessons, egg collections, embryo transfers and then the seemingly eternal 2 week wait.

I waited for 2 years to fall pregnant. I then waited for our baby to arrive through 9 long months of extreme pain, long hospital stays, preterm labour scares and a multitude of scans and check ups. I waited for this miracle to “cure” me. I didn’t get my cure but we got our beautiful baby.

Post-birth, I knew what would eventually happen. I waited for it. The pain slowly but surely crept back in, gradually getting worse as time went on. I saw my doctors regularly and was eventually referred back to the hospital. I waited to see what my new consultant would suggest. I waited for her suggestions to work.

Now, I wait to see what happens from one day to another, because I have no clue, no indications that something might or might not happen. No big flashing signs to tell me a flare up is on the horizon. The pain comes and goes as it chooses too. And I wait for what it chooses to throw at me next.

Sadly, this is my last column for Endometriosis News, but you can read all of my previous columns here.

S.
SHARE:

No comments

Post a Comment

MINIMAL BLOGGER TEMPLATES BY pipdig