My 2012 was certainly eventful from the outset:

:: My mama underwent tests for cervical cancer. It was a ridiculously difficult time for everyone involved.
:: I was a passenger in a car accident and spent a week off work with concussion. Even trying to make a tuna sandwich totally confuzzled me.
:: I had my bone scan (as mentioned in this post).

Me and Danny did, however, have a wonderful holiday (our Christmas present to each other) spent huddled up in a lovely cabin in the middle of no where with a steamy hot tub which definitely made up for things. I came back loved up and shattered but relaxed and raring to go.

:: My friend travelled up to see me and ended up going missing after a night on the tiles. I had to file a missing persons report and eventually the police brought her home after she woke up in a restaurant not knowing what had happened.
:: I had been working super hard on an event at work for months and when the day of the event finally rolled up, instead of enjoying all my hard work with a glass of wine, I was instead taken in to hospital and hooked up to drip.

The unravelling of my life...

I mentioned in this post that I had been a little MIA but hadn't said why. Well, during the early hours of 10th February, I awoke and had a few sharp pains. I thought it must be because I needed the toilet, but when I got back in to bed I told Danny that something didn't feel right. I couldn't put my finger on what it was or why I was suddenly feeling so bad. He suggested snuggling back up so the heat from his body would help but as soon as he touched me I started screaming. The pain was just unbelievable. I couldn't find a comfortable position and though Danny and my parents were trying everything they could think of, nothing was helping. In the end the paramedics arrived and I was given gas and air and taken to hospital (well, eventually anyway as the ambulance got a flat tyre just down the road and another ambulance had to come and collect me!). In A&E, I was given various painkillers but everything was making me sick so I was given an anti-sickness injection and then sent over to Gynaecology for more tests. After being given a wonderful Tramadol suppository, I was taken for an internal scan which showed a large clump of endometrium and as I was finally reacting well to the painkillers, I was eventually released that evening. I was told that my endometriosis had flared up as a result of stress. Looking back, I had had very bad moments in the week leading up to me being in hospital where I had hurt myself several times. I was even meant to go to a Bokwa class the night before this all happened but pulled out - mainly due to having to stay at work late that night but also because I wasn't feeling great.

Things were pretty bad for the next few days and I went back to the doctors the following week to get some more painkillers and see if my hospital appointment with the Prof. could be moved forward from April. I needed help and didn't want to wait months. The only thing that seemed to be helping in any way was my beloved hot water bottle. I was also signed off work.

I didn't have any answers and yet I was still in pain and was just being told to carry on taking painkillers and rest. Over time my body became used to the painkillers I was on (Tramadol, Paracetamol and Dicolofenic) and I've had to be prescribed new stronger painkillers several times now. I'm currently on 150mg Tramadol (2 per day), 500mg Paracetamol (8 per day) and 50mg Naproxin (3 per day). The effectiveness of the Tramadol has again worn off and is particularly useless when I'm on my period so I'm hoping the doctors will increase my dosage again.

At the time I was still taking my 3 month course of Loestrin 20 and still had my coil in but I decided to stop the pill after the 3 months and had my coil taken out at the beginning of April. Although I'd been told the reason for the flare up was stress, I had started having other problems. Embarrassingly, I had started wetting myself. Not a huge amount. But enough for me to be mortified. I had asked one doctor about it and he suggested it was down to the swelling but when it didn't get any better I mentioned it to the doctor who removed my coil and she said she couldn't see any reason for it as my pelvic floor muscles were very tight.

During this period of time, my grandma, Bunty, tragically died after a fall at her house. My mum had been calling her for days and had assumed she was out shopping or in the garden, but then she received a phone call from the police on 17th April saying a friend had reported her missing after she hadn't turned up for their usual shopping trip. The police broke in to the house and found her in a terrible state in the bathroom - she'd fallen during a wash, and had been laying there, naked, for 5 days, unable to get to the telephone or even open the bathroom door. She was immediately taken in to hospital but after 2 days, her tiny body gave up. It was a terrible time for all of us and we still all blame ourselves. I blamed myself because I was ill and had I been well, I would have popped in to check on her after work. It was so upsetting - still now, writing this, I'm in tears. Me and Danny (and my dad) took on the responsibility of her little cat Daisy who was very thin after what had happened. She is safe and well and loving life now but we always talk about her mama to her so she knows what has happened. Being so upset in no way helped my condition and during this time I really struggled. Unfortunately, I saw the bathroom and the state of things and it was very traumatic. My head still can't deal with it. But Daisy has helped me a lot - I guess I put all my grief in to her. Things weren't helped by Daisy Bella going missing on the day Bunty died either. We had been keeping her in the house so she could get used to her surroundings for a few days but then my dad let her out and she didn't come back. I was absolutely devastated. I just stood at the window and sobbed. But thankfully, late the next night we heard her little miaow outside and when we opened the door she came running in. Little monkey!

My appointment for the Prof. was not moved forward so when I eventually got to see him on 30th April I was about at my wits end. I was actually sent in to see a junior consultant but after kicking up a fuss, I was moved back across to the Prof's list. I had waited months to be seen and didn't want to be fobbed off with more things that wouldn't work. The junior took down some notes, and when I mentioned about the wetting she said that there shouldn't be any reason for that. Which was a really silly thing to say in my opinion. Of course there is a reason for it... I'm a 28year woman - not an old age pensioner (though I have felt like it a lot recently!). Any who, when I went in to see the Prof. I told him outright what I wanted... I wanted surgery. I wanted all the endometriosis removing. Again. He said that I'd have to have another laparoscopy first to see what was happening inside my body. I came out of the hospital, my sister-in-law gave me a hug and I almost burst in to tears. Finally I was getting somewhere.

Unfortunately, and it still being 2012 - a year of total horribleness and worst luck ever! - my next piece of bad luck came at the beginning of May when I was made redundant from my place of work due to a Group restructure. I had been expecting it and although it was just another blow to deal with, it did feel like a relief to not have that to worry about. But of course, I wouldn't be receiving any sick pay then and with bills still having to be paid out, I was just living off my redundancy pay.

I felt lower than low. No job. Bad health. And an awful start to the year in general. Could things get any worse!?