Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Dealing with negative feedback

Image courtesy of http://pinterest.com/pin/142356038192720103/

Unfortunately, we can often be the butt of negativity. With people not understanding our chronic pain or infertility issues, we can be a misunderstood target for abuse. But it's not just us endo sisters or spoonies that have to deal with negativity - any and everyone can be faced with it at one time or another. It can appear amongst our friendship circles, in the work place or for no reason at all, online or even out in public.

If you've ever dealt with someone being negative towards you then you know it can make you feel really blue. It can show itself in all forms, from someone saying something nasty to your face, behind your back or sometimes you can think that person is being nice to you, when actually the meaning behind their words or actions is not so nice.

It could also be that the person in question has a pessimistic outlook on life and so they throw their negativity in to everything they say and do. In that instance, it can be very draining indeed to be around someone like this, because even when you are trying to pick yourself up you can be pulled back down by them.

Just try to remember that while people can try and bring you down, you have a choice in how you react to them.

I want to try and focus today's post on dealing with that negative feedback given to you by someone, and not so much negative people in general. Whether it be face to face or online, at work or with friends. I want to try and make you see that things aren't necessarily your fault and to learn to let it go.

The biggest piece of advice I can give is to not engage in the negativity. If someone has said something nasty to you or something that has upset you or made you feel uncomfortable, then go with it and try to get it out of your head. Quite often people can be out for an argument and say negative things just to get someones back up and get a reaction out of them. Sometimes it can come down to jealousy, that you're getting more attention and the person may not like this so they will try and put you down. Online, for instance, this is a key piece of advice, do not bite back. There has been a recent rise in 'trolling' so report the person if necessary, but do not engage in a conversation about it. If someone is simply questioning or commenting on something you have done, then reply, try to make that person understand why you have said or done something the way you have. Many times, someone will be negative because they have no idea about what you are talking about but explaining it to them can make them see what you mean. Sometimes it can even catch a person off guard if you are nice to them - even when they have said something upsetting.

Try and understand the underlying message in someones words and ensure that you yourself haven't misconstrued what they are trying to say. Everyone is entitled to their opinions so you must recognise this and see if there is anything you can take from their words in a positive manner. Maybe there is something you can learn from their words. Sometimes people can be misunderstood because of the language they have used or maybe their lack of tact. Take their criticisms as a source of honest feedback - honesty can never be looked down upon.

Don't ask peoples opinions if you can't handle the truth. Would you rather someone be honest and say something you maybe don't want to hear or would you rather someone be fake and say something nice even if they don't mean it? I know which option I'd prefer - honesty above anything else.

If someone is being plain nasty about you though and not so much something you have said or done, then remember that this person is a negative person. They will believe what they are saying to be true because there is a deep rooted problem within themselves. Maybe they lack confidence or self belief. Most of the times, their criticisms reflect more about themselves than about you. Usually these types of people react this same way to others so do not take it personally.

But, as much as their criticisms can reflect on them, it also reflects on you as to how you react. Why does something bother you? Why does this comment make you feel uncomfortable? It could be because you hold a similar belief yourself or because of something that has happened in the past. Asking yourself these questions may put you at ease and maybe even allow you to gain closure on your discomfort with it being you that needs to change rather than someone else.

And finally, I mentioned reporting people online, but in the real world, if you cannot take what a person is saying, then stay clear of that person. Reduce contact and limit conversations because if communicating with someone is causing you distress, then it's not worth it.

S.
SHARE:

No comments

Post a Comment

MINIMAL BLOGGER TEMPLATES BY pipdig