You might have seen on my Instagram already, but we went away last weekend to stay with Danny's parents while they were on holiday in Skegness. It was really nice to get away again and the weather actually stayed dry for us - which was nice after our very rainy holiday in Dorset! We visited a few local attractions and fed the ducks and geese who would congregate throughout the day outside the patio doors of where we stayed and Hunter loved spending some more time with his nanny and grandad!

Unfortunately, my endo decided to play up big time and I was in terrible pain with it. I haven't really had pains like this for a long time so I wasn't prepared for it at all and I had almost forgotten how poorly it makes me feel.

I've kind of been in limbo for the past few years with it because of not having periods while I was pregnant and then them being so sporadic post-birth. I didn't know what would happen with my endo and I had always secretly hoped it would be like all the doctors say: you know, one of those magical stories you hear where women with endometriosis are miraculously cured because of the pregnancy. I know, I know, it was a long shot, but a girl can dream can't she!?

After having Hunter, I started on a progesterone-only contraceptive pill (POP) called Cerazette. I don't know if it's the same with every woman post-birth, but the doctors and midwives kind of jumped on me and wouldn't leave me alone until I agreed to it in case I got pregnant again - no matter how many times I told them I wasn't able to have children naturally and had been through IVF! But then, on the flip side, I was really frightened of getting pregnant again - it was such an odd feeling after wanting a baby for so long. But, anyway, after much deliberation, I started on the pill and had to have a POP because I was breastfeeding. This is the first POP I've ever been on and you take it everyday without a 7 day break in between packs. I remember the doctor saying that I most likely wouldn't have any bleeding at all, not only because of the pill but also because of the breastfeeding. But, as I mentioned before, my periods returned when Hunter was around 4 months old. They were always very light and at first were more like the odd bit of spotting here and there, however they soon increased in duration and flow. They were also completely irregular from the outset - though I expected this since that's how they had always been. November came around and I started a period as usual, but this time, it didn't stop. It's been over 6 months now and I've only had the odd day here and there where I've not bled. It's been very tiring and frustrating and after a few months of thinking about it I've decided to try going pill free again. I spoke to my doctor about it who said there wouldn't be any point in starting another POP because it would only act in the same way. She also mentioned that my milk would have changed when Hunter started on food at 6 months so this would also have an effect on my periods. Whether that's true or not, who knows. But she fully supported me stopping it (which surprised me!) and so I've now been pill free for one whole day. I'm not expecting great things - nothing miraculous happened last time - but I am hoping my hormones might level out slightly with not having any drugs messing them up. And it'd be nice if my skin cleared up a little because I know the pill can make that worse (or better!)... We'll see anyway!

It's not been a great week with the pain my period has caused and I've been super fatigued because of it all so I've been like a zombie again. Another bad week on the Amitriptyline rollercoaster.

You know, for so long I was relatively pain free and now I feel like I'm back to my old self again - just this time around I'm a mama and I have a few more grey hairs! It just feels like it's suddenly been piled back on me again. I thought pregnancy would give me a break from it all but it didn't. At least when I eventually go back to see the Prof. again (which I now know will happen at some point) I can throw his stupid suggestion of getting pregnant (though, not the so stupid amazing little gift we got out of it all!) to cure me back at him. But then, he'll probably just sit back in his chair, scratch his head and ask me what I want because he doesn't know what to do!

Sorry for the lack of positivity this week. I'm so tired of it all.