I'm having a very bad pain day today. It started last night - completely out of nowhere. I'd had quite a mobile day yesterday with driving the short distance to the doctors and then I went to the toilet before bedtime and boom - pain back. I had a really bad night with it and couldn't get comfortable. It's been hurting more than anything round my hips, really sharp pains and then pains straight down my tummy. It didn't matter what position I lay in, it was bad.

It's not quite so bad this morning but I can still feel it around my hips. I always find it odd where the pain comes from. I know where my endo is and yet it can hurt in so many different places. But I'm spending today resting lots.

Anyway, as I mentioned, I went to the doctors yesterday. I had to write a bit of a list because I had so many things I wanted to ask about.

The main reason for my trip was to get the next dose of my antidepressants. I hadn't mentioned it before because it's not something I'm proud of. I've had depression since I was 16 and yet now, at almost 29, I can't cope any longer and need some help. It's made me feel a little 'weak' because I'd managed for so long without them but sometimes you need to give in to your pride and ask for the help you so desperately need. So, I've been on the tablets, Citalopram, for 3 weeks now and I've not noticed any difference yet. We've had a lot of stressful things happen within the family recently which have been very upsetting and they've been exactly what I didn't need right now, so that's not helped, but I honestly don't feel any different. Other than tired. Danny said I don't seem as teary as usual though. But I guess the big tester is over the next few days, before my next period. It's always the worst time!

When I initially went to the doctors I was just going in to see what he could suggest. Maybe they could push my counselling forward a little because I seem to have been waiting forever. But he suggested these tablets and said that this is what they would suggest for me first at Liaison Psychiatry anyway. Except, when I went back yesterday, I mentioned that I was still waiting to hear about my appointment for the Liaison and apparently I haven't been referred on! The counselling service had asked for the doctors to refer me on and they haven't and now he wants to see how I cope on these before trying Liaison. So, instead of talking about my problems and finding a resolve, I have to instead mask all the problems with medication. It's not what I wanted but I'm just going to wait and see how my head feels and see how it all pans out. Danny said that maybe it will work just as well because I'd said before that I know how my head should be thinking and feeling - I just can't get to those feelings. But anyhow, my tablets have been upped in dosage and it's now just a waiting game to see how it all works.

Because I've been put on to Citalopram, the doctor had to change my pain medication slightly because Citalopram doesn't mix well with things. I've had to come off my Naproxen and 3 weeks ago I told him that was fine because I didn't think they were doing anything. Boy, was I wrong! I had my period a week after coming off them and I was in agony. I started taking my Nefopam (the bad tablets) again, expecting them to take away the pain and give me the same spaciness as usual, but no, they did nothing! I told the doctor all about this yesterday and oh, it was a right faff!

I asked if there was anything I could take in place of what I was already on that would be as strong but less tablets. He wanted me to take just my Tramadol and Paracetamol and I told him that these do very little for me on the good ('good'? 'better' might be a more suitable choice of word) days, they do nothing for me at period time. So now, he wants me to take my Tramadol and Paracetamol as usual (daily) and then start taking Ibuprofen a few days before my period is due. Although, I apparently have to be super careful with these because they don't mix well with my antidepressant's at all. I then also have my back up of Nefopam which I'm only to take for a few days each month and I can reduce these to one tablet three times a day if I feel that would work (currently on two tablets, three times a day).

He asked me so many questions about the Nefopam though: Why was I on them? Who prescribed them? Was I keen to go on them? Do they do anything for my pain? How many do I take and how often? Blah blah blah. But apparently, it's a really strange tablet for me to have been prescribed because they are highly addictive and are an opiate just like my Tramadol. So when I take them, I'm basically doubling up my Tramadol dose. So, no wonder I am spaced out on them!! But he made me feel like a complete junkie because I never asked to go on them, a doctor prescribed them because my normal daily tablets weren't enough. And she had originally wanted me to take them daily but I only take them when the pain is at it's worst.... And what a silly question to ask "Were you keen to go on them?", oh yeah, I read through your little tablet book and picked them out and asked for them personally because I thought they sounded amazing! How daft.

But anyway, at least I am not somewhat sorted for my tablets. Except, I am pretty worried about taking this new concoction at period time! I'll just have to see how it goes.

I haven't really done much else recently. I had my hair done last week by my puddy tat Lisy. I let her go a little wild and do whatever she wanted and I love the result. If you follow me on Instagram you may have seen it already. Me and Danny bought our new bed recently. He was having some work done at his house so we thought we might as well buy our new bed now (instead of waiting until we move out) because he needed a new one anyway. Then last week we went and collected our new mattress so I pretty much spent the whole of last weekend spent snuggled up amongst our beautiful new bedding. It's like heaven!... I can't wait to be able to sleep in it everyday! We also had a date night last Friday and went out for a meal at Nando's and to see Skyfall, the new Bond movie. It was amazing - the film, not the chicken - although, the chicken was pretty damn good too! Tomorrow I'm having a tattoo and thrifting day with my beautiful Loulabelle which I cannot wait for. Hence, the day of rest today. Me and boy have planned another weekend of very little apart from staying in bed and eating but we are hoping to go to a fireworks display somewhere on Saturday night. I love this time of year!

I'm off now to, well, rest really! But Happy Halloween everyone!